The Contemplation

Hmmm..... what's running in my mind these days? I really feel like giving up on continuing with my Master's considering that my workload is widening and my health is deteriorating.

It was just yesterday morning I made the decision after my scan results were made known to me. I am now on long-term glucosamine/condrophil prescription due to hereditary arthritis, and an old spinal bone fracture that has been causing excruciating pain whenever I sit on hard surfaces for a period of time. The sad part is ~~ nothing can be done about with these two findings other than taking precaution and care. As for the old-fractured bone, if the pain has reached a point where it is unbearable, my only option is to get an operation done to remove that out-growned portion which has been causing my pain.

As for my hereditary arthritis, other than long-term on glucosamine, I will need to take a continuous span of 10-14 days of painkillers (without stopping mind you) to subdue the inflammatory as and when there is a potential flare-up. And this will be a long-term routine for me also.

And what will happen if I choose not to take the painkillers to stop the flare-ups? The answer is: more injuries will happen to my spinal bone which will result in more pain for me as the years piles on. And those "injuries" will continue to deteriorate the state of my spinal bone, and the worst result will be very visible in 10-15 years time from now - which by then, there will be no option other than to undergo an operation if I do not take the adequate measures now.

Saddening news isn't it? Anyway, whatever it is, I am sure God has His ultimate plan for me. He knows what I can endure, and what I can't endure. Studying for my master's will require me to sit a lot, and to spend long hours either at lecture halls, or at home on weekdays and also on weekends.

Honestly, if I choose to stop studying - no doubt I DO feel the "pain" of letting go, but I believe it will definitely be a better option for me in preparation of what is expected from my family by mid of next year. Studying allows me with very little or practically "zero" time left for my children, and what more with this bone issue of mine ~~ I can NEVER carry anymore heavy things, which will include my children *boo hoo hoo...*. But, anyhow I still believe ~ my family and children needs me more than anything else in this world. And no doubt as much as I love to add an extra paper for my qualification, I just do not have enough time capability to accommodate or satisfy that need of mine.

I still have yet to call up the university to inform them of my decision as I am still 50:50 over the entire issue ~ I am a practical stubborn Choleric Sanguine who likes to control everything without at times trusting to let go of the reins to God for control! (still remember my closest brother-in-Christ called me a stubborn mule!). But to proceed with it will need me to bear an extra brain and pair of hands ~ that is for definite! So, what should the decision be peeps?