Marriage... who needs it?

Frankly, why do we need to be married anyway if being married will not bring you more happiness but more heartaches?

Speaking from a women's point, why would a woman decides to tie the knot with a man whom she feels that she would want to spend the rest of her life with? Technically, is it just love and companionship alone? Or building a future with that person? Or is that someone is a person that you cannot live without?

I agree that marriage is never a bed of roses nor will it be on cloud nine as most young in love would think. Marriage is all about commitment, bonding and strengthening the relationship despite whatsoever difficulties that having a family would be. There will not be a bed of roses if both parties do not play their part in making the marriage run smoothly and successfully. And this will take a lifetime to make things work as hurdles and challenges get tougher by the year and by the decade with the constantly increase in one's age and probably with the shortening of one's patience and temper.

Despite being married for more than a decade, I still find marriage an uphill challenge for me to keep up with. As patience draws shorter, and tempers flares more often, disagreements and arguements is hiking up the ladder. And depression sets in.

Very often, trivial issues will ignite the spark and generate into a massive fire that will end up hurt both parties badly. Why can't the understanding level be deeper now despite being together for more than a decade? Why can't the level of tolerance be greater when things could be done and resolved in a better manner? Why would hurtful words be hurled to the a loved one that once was protected far away from hurt? Why can't after a decade, both do not see better through each other's eyes but distancing from one another by the day? Why would one take the other for granted and never gave a second thought if what actions or words would cut the feelings of the other? Why would spending time with a loved one seems more like a dutiful chore rather than something that's needed from the heart? Why would the asking for a little time from a loved one be like a challenge to do when one is in the midst of doing a chore that can wait? ~ I still can't find answers to the questions that thronged my head constantly. Worse of all, why would one wants to stay in a marriage if she can't get any happiness and satisfaction out of it? Why should she still be tied in marriage when she has been busy caring for everyone and none bothered about her in return ~ more like an "ah sum" to everyone, but queen to none.

I think I might go bonkers soon...

Dragging my 2 feet!

How many of you will feel as if both your legs weighs a thousand pounds each side when Sunday nights rolls to an end and Monday mornings strikes the time for you to pull out of bed and get yourself ready for work?

That is exactly how I had been feeling for the past few months since I lost my great mentor and another great colleague at my workplace. I had not been getting the "recharged" energy of going back into my old speed, focus and mind ever since both of them stepped out of the plant to venture into other personal interests.

I believe many of you who have added me in your Facebook contact list would find my rants on work stress and crazy work-schedule a little too hectic or more like too much to bear as for the past months that rolled along. Well, this post of mine will provide you with a better window or answer on why I had gathered this negative-charge for work as well as Depression that happened in the last couple of months back.

To cut long story short, we all understand and know that sh*t happens in every organisation that we work in. It's a matter whether can you accept it and work along with it or you do not jive with it, you just move out from it. Same theory applies here in my post. The earlier times we had was tremendously hectic with long working hours, short or frequent no lunch or dinner breaks and usually we don't get to see the sun that often (guess you should understand what I meant here ~ we'll be at work at 7am and will only walk out of the plant after the sun has retired). No doubt our lifestyles were more fit for zombies, but we were a damn happy team and we enjoyed everyones company within the team.

Just like a fairytale movie, when everything is nice and smooth, there comes Cruella. And also just like Dalmation 101, our Cruella is also a lady (minus the crazy toned hair and ugly features) but a heart that matches the evil-rate of Cruella's if not for more. And she has her side-kick also that replicates her character that has been giving my immediate superior the hardest time in managing her. So, what more can I express from here... conflict and clash of personalities happens, my boss decides to call it quits and serves her notice to end her service with the organisation.

That's when all hell broke loose... everyone in the team (except for Cruella's sidekick) was so distraught by her sudden decision, but being with her and experienced the same thing she has been experiencing, we all understood that this is the best option for her since she had 2 encounters of having her blood pressure shot up to 150 due to disagreements at work. And my senior team-mate who has more than 20 years of seasoned experienced decided to leave the pack in view that the leadership is not a good one to continue the battle for. So, what's left behind? The top level people were so worried that I'll be the next to go, sent a representative from Singapore to come in to fill the gap for the temp moment while they hunt for the 2 replacement, and they came in to do damage control with me ~ persuading me not to "go look" and be with them, and they will take good care of me *rolling my eyes in disbelief, but not trusting a word that was said to me*.

Technically, whatever that needs to be done has been highlighted, and whatever that needs urgent attention has been neglected by rightful authorities without a single glance or thought. Well, that's why when my superior decided to call it quits, she totally had no qualms left behind as she has done all she can in her ability to do and salvage what she can.

So now... what that is left of me is being half-heartedly in my job, and I no longer possess the urge, the courage, the strength nor the spirit to go on working for people that I feel do not deserve my respect nor my hardwork in slogging the extra 10 miles like what I used to do before.

If any of you would have alternative advise or suggestions, I would really welcome them.

Voice after the Long Silence

I had to agree that my blog had been "dead" for the last five months to be exact. And I am really terribly sorry for the MIA period as there has been multiple happenings in my life that literally left me speechless or more like wordless, and I could not express my thoughts, feelings and mind.

Well in short, I have been spending my last 1 year in my current employment, which in fact happened to be one of the most life-changing phase in my career life of 15 years. I could not agree more that I have learnt the most important thing in life during my last one year of working life ~ LIFE!

Technically, I lost my life ever since starting my journey in my current employment. I totally had no time for myself, my family or even a holiday out of Penang! Can you imagine that? Even if I were to travel, they are all genuinely business trips that are back to back without any slots for personal use.

In truth, I have to admit that I am really very tired of this lifestyle and I am really longing for more spare time for quality things in life such as my family and my children. Try imagining the pain I felt when I heard my baby started calling my maid as "mama" *wuaahhhh* ~ That's it! That made me made the point of decision in my life ~ if I do not do something with myself and my not-for-human schedule, either my family is going to disown me or I am going to get lost myself.

So, while I am crossing my fingers and praying that the next decision that I am planning in my life to happen smoothly and gain success gradually with hardwork, please do keep me and my dreams in your prayers too. *hugs & kisses*