On Understanding Shawn

In early July, we were having a little hiccup with Shawn and his progress both in school as well as at home. Shawn was turning to be a little violent during our absence at home with his younger brother, James and our maid, Ann whenever he is being denied from anything. His tempers would flare and he would hit both Ann and James – forgetting himself for that moment, and only to recover a while later asking for forgiveness for his emotional breakdowns from the two of them. And when we are at home, he would be so timid and could not even share his thoughts, emotions as well as feelings with us. He also behaves the same timid way when he’s at school too. This has alarmed us tremendously, especially when I caught him throwing mild tantrums at himself in his own room once which he then refused to share what has caused him to be so emotionally pent-up and built-up.

Shawn being a “special” child that is on a daily prescription of Ritalin to control his attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder, and to have such disturbing emotional flare-ups – is something that would require our immediate attention to get it resolved soonest possible. We spent hours talking to him, understanding the deeper him on what had kept him so emotionally upset and worked up within him that could have possibly caused the emotional lash-out.

And the findings we’ve got was that he is coping hard in school – the particular government school that he was attending. He gets isolated from his teachers because of his disorder, being unable to sit still or concentrate in class. They practically never care to be bothered about him, or more so on lack of time to spend when they have over 30 children to teach in their 30 minutes to an hour of class. On his schoolmates, he gets bullied all the time. Can you imagine your son returning home from school every week with a new issue to tell you? Issues such as a shoe-print on the front or back of his white shirt (indicates that he is being kicked by another), swollen lip, swollen eye, once even with a bloody lip, school shoes marked with dirt, mud and even cow-dung caused by others stepping on his shoes (he will be busy apologizing and explaining to us the moment he step through the door with those shoes), his spectacles have been replaced umpteen times caused they were broken due to either he’s being punched in the face, eye or pushed to somewhere. Worse of all, he does not know how to express when he’s back home with us. He can only say, “my friend hit me mommy”, and when I asked “why would your friend want to hit you?”, he would then answer me “because I asked him to line-up when he cut queue”. I would always advise him in return “It’s ok Shawn, if they bullied you because of that, you have to report him to your teacher”, he would then either keep quiet or answer me “I reported him to the teacher, but the teacher never bothered also”. But, like any moms, we’ll tell him to forgive and forget about the incident.

There were many times too which we as his parents tends not to understand him entirely. He has an issue to concentrate in class, and mostly unable to copy down whatever homework, notes or assignment given by the teachers. Thus, unable to complete his daily homework. With that, comes the red-marks on all his activity and exercise books where the teachers take the “extra” trouble of complaining to us that our son is not performing or not concentrating enough in his/her classes so much so that they drew extra large question marks and wrote sarcastic notes that Shawn is literally not paying attention in their classes. Of course, as blind as a bat would be – we took care of our faces more than understanding our son. We had him lectured, punished, locked in a room to think and even to some extend of disciplinary actions for those “red-marks” in his books. We did not actually spent time having heart to heart talks with our Shawn.

Having understood our own mistakes, and upon understanding Shawn’s scenario entirely, I frantically search for an alternative option to proceed with Shawn’s future education. Nick even suggested me to be a SAHM to care and mend for Shawn if there are no other alternatives. But, God was gracious, I managed to still draw my memory to Joanna, a lady whom I’ve met during the United Marriage Encounter which I have attended back in 2007 who dedicated her time entirely to home-schooling her 2 boys in Sungai Petani, Kedah. Though, I had last spoken to Joanna more than a year ago on the home-schooling option for Penang folks, I was prepared to be disappointed again when I took my chances to ask her again this time round if she would have any knowledge if someone here in Penang that offers the same home-schooling program. I was not disappointed this time round, in fact, I was overjoyed when Joanna replied me “You know what Mabel, I have just the right news for you – three weeks back we went for a dedication ceremony for Cecelia, a lady who attended the same 2007 UME together with you has now started the program in Penang”. I was leaping with joy as I heard the news.

I wasted no time, and immediately contacted Cecelia, proceeded to obtain all the information and gathered all knowledge to go about with this option before I break the news to Nick and his family. I also took Shawn to see his regular specialist, consulted the specialist on my alternative solution for Shawn and had his medication changed. All the time I had been asking Shawn if he wants to change to a new school, his response was always the same despite how creative I post the questions to him – they were all “wait first mommy, I want to see how is the new school, teachers and friends first”. With that, I was determined to have him exposed to the new school environment, teachers and friends, and boy... you should see my immediate relief when I saw the real Shawn reappearing between his new found friends and new environment. That reassures me that my choice for him had been right, and I made no attempts to further delay his arrangements. I had him stopped from the government school with immediate effect, returned all his books and belongings of the school, and purchased him a new laptop for his new chapter with the centre. All of this happened within a week’s time.

Oh yes! I almost forgot to mention. Sandra Rocco shared her experiences with School of Tomorrow program with her daughter, Indiana in KK, Sabah – I was so awe with the school’s program and elements that were the key driving factors for the children that they teach. I was literally burning with desire if the same program can reach me here in Penang. Little did I know that both Joanna’s and Cecelia’s centres were operating under the same big umbrella! I only got to know about it when Cecelia gave me a hand-out to read more of the school’s program, and the information that was printed behind the hand-out reads www.schooloftomorrow.com ~building lives for the future~